I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
