lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
