never play flip cup with pint glasses
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
