i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
