sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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