If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
