the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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