Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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