i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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