i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just want to make out with him forever
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
