im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize