she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
