i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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