oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
