I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My hand turned me down
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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