Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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