What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
