the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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