While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
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The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize