So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
