Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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