If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
