if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
