literally had 100 drinks last night.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
