I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
