that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize