I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
