Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
zippers are such a cool invention
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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