I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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