i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
