Your dad touched me again.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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