thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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