The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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