That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
