His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
