saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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