one might say we're banned from that church
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
