We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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