Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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