I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
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My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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