does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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