just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
