I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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