He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
