there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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