So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
