I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
