note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
