your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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