I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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