She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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