my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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