he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
