I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
