you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
