a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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