its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
