I am full of burrito and curiosity
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
