you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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