the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
