thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
