Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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