I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
