i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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