I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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