I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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