I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
