pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
