RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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